Game Rules: Rule # 7

I think the universe has been sending me some really mixed messages recently. I mean they’re definitely messages from the divine and infinite nature of the universe, a word from the beyond. But I don’t know whether i should obey the Jesus picture in my toast that wants me to forgive Ted all his past transgressions and just love him as The Lord commands or if I should listen to the Acorn that fell in front of me over on Theodore Lane, right next to New Avenues, that I should retreat into the bunker for a few years til the impending nuclear holocaust blows over and we can talk civilly again over bonfires eating the trappings of the day. I mean I was a Girl Scout goddammit! I didn’t bake those cookies. But seriously am I crazy here? He never rubs my foot massager, he won’t even put holes in his paper bag so he can look at me. I’m so heavy right now, I mean my flow is crazy, I gushed blue again and I’m afraid he’ll leave me if he finds out I came up with the rap jingle for blueberry “Gushers” you know how sensitive I am about commercial hip hop, ever since Biggie died. Oh god. I’m so horny right now and no one else will wear paper bags but him.

Don’t you think it’s a little odd he wears a bag over his head all the time?

That’s part of his persona, he’s building a rap career based around school lunches. It’s really great.

But he never takes it off…

I like it.

I’m telling you.

I know…

(Together) “once you go bag”

Meredith: …you never go back.

Charlie: I know, I just…

Meredith: I know.

Charlie: okay.

I’m really comfortable right now and the only problem is that he doesn’t think it’s a problem! What a cad!

Drop it like it’s hot home girl

Ok home slice

I’m hungry, where’s our home fries?

I know right?


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