My grandma, passed away the other day, and you should know that, my grandma, she was a bad ass.
She kicked the devil in the teeth after he pinched her butt at the Sadie Hawkins dance she was chaperoning for her grand daughter, the devil is quite tall too, but grandma at 5′ 2″ laid on him a flying roundhouse kick to the face without batting an eye. She bought him a malt afterwards though, so he wouldn’t feel so bad and they had a long talk on how the devil ought to be more of a gentlemen.
My grandmother was a dancer, she shook her tail feather so much flocks of geese would come down every Christmas and sacrifice a goose or two amongst themselves to help her feed her family. They might be endangered now… Silly Geese.
My grandma called down from the heavens last night for a spot of tea and the biscuits that she knows I like. The little windmills with the almond flakes.
The other day she broke her hip for charity during the local dance off after twisting and shouting, monkeying, mash potato, monster mash funky chickening with the hand jiviest of them all up and down and across the room, she died trying and always said the best you can do is good enough for her or anybody else for that matter. She won the dance off of course and is resting now in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest dance, 87 years, can you imagine? They counted her work in the womb as well, as a pretext to her womby days of rearing children, it was a cattle call of kids, and everyone’s dream was welcome. All 14. And more.
She mixed liquor in her fribbles at Friendly’s told her friends “you gotta have a little fun” and apologized to the officer her that caught her doing in a 30- 101. They opted for the cop car, put the lights on and painted the town red. Every kid with a kittie in a tree was saved that day by my Grandma.
Have you heard of Haiti, well she taught them voodoo daddy’s a thing or two about respecting the dead, and now they play dominos with zombies every Sunday, my grandma she volunteered in the hospital she died in, right up to the moment she was laughing with the Angels, sparking delights in children’s eyes, thanking thankless nurses, EMT’s and mothers for their many years of service, those that passed and those still to come, my Grandma saw Death and gave that rascal the biggest hug he’d have in over a century when he last came for Theresa in her last life. The two had tea for a spell, lingering on the thoughts of yesteryear and Daniel, of Michael and many more, and when the tea had run out she asked Death very kindly for his arm, she was “getting rather old” she said, “things don’t work like they used to, but you know, I really don’t mind, because now I get to have such a handsome gentlemen to take my arm.” And smiling both, Death cried.
My grandma is gone from the Earth, the salt that grit and bore her, she is no more among us but left in each our hearts the warmest touch of home.